Love and Logic- Bullying: When Do We Step In?

When Do We Step In?
Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic^® Experts

Jill and Harry were stumped. How could they help their son Will? They were not only heartbroken to know that their son was being bullied, but also confused about how to intervene.

 

Jill wanted to involve the school principal, and possibly the police, while Harry kept reminding her that their Love and Logic class taught the importance of kids solving their own problems.

 

Love and Logic is not a black and white, or cookbook theory for raising children. I often kid that even though the use of common sense is not on that precious "List of State Approved Programs," it still comes in handy when dealing with kids.

 

Yes, I agree that it's best for kids to solve their own problems whenever possible. And yes, I agree that sometimes we step in when the load might be a little too heavy for them to handle. Life is not an either/or proposition, and neither is Love and Logic.

 

If I were in Jill and Harry's shoes, I'd want to teach Will some techniques for standing up to the bully while at the same time putting the school and the authorities on notice to handle their end of the problem. I'd meet with the school personnel without Will's knowledge, if possible.

 

When talking with the school personnel I'd want to emphasize the importance of working with Will to help him develop new skills as well as asking that our meeting be confidential. I'd like Will to believe that a large part of the solution is in his hands.

 

Sally Ogden's book, "Words Will Never Hurt Me," is a great resource for helping kids learn to deal with the issues of teasing and bullying. Check it out on our web site.

 

Thanks for reading, and remember that the child's job is to test the limits, and your job is to enforce them.

 

Jim Fay

Zappos.com

 I need to mention how highly I think of the website zappos.com.  We live in an area with very little shopping, and my three year old son has feet that are wide and hard to fit.  I use zappos.com regularly, because I can find a variety of high quality styles even in the wide sizes, they are shipped to me quickly (often within a day or two, even with just their standard shipping!), AND they have free shipping both ways.  So, I can have him try on the shoes in the comfort of our home, and then return those that we don't like with no extra charges!   It is a great site with excellent service.  I highly recommend it!

65 Favorite Read- Aloud Books for Boys

Check out this great link for a list of 65 Read Alouds for boys!  Great ideas!

Books For Boys

Check out this great site for lists of Books For Boys!  Search by age, grade level, author, or theme.  What a great resource!  Books for Boys

U Promise College Savings

Have you ever heard of U-Promise?  It is a website that offers a few different approaches to getting money back on your purchases to use for your child's future education (or really, anything for that matter, since you can get the money back in cash!).  I use it when I shop online to earn cash back on purchases.  I set up an account on U Promise, and when I know I'm going to buy something online, I sign in there first and check to see if the retailer I am using offers a percentage back through U Promise.  Most retailers do, one major exception being Amazon.com.  So, I search for the retailer on U Promise, click to be linked to the retailer's website from there, and a percentage of my purchase is then credited back to my U Promise account!  Free money for a few extra clicks!  You can withdraw the money or have it linked to a 529 account.  They also offer a credit card that earns extra money back on all purchases too.  It's a pretty good deal for us online shoppers out there who don't mind our purchases being tracked.  Every little bit adds up for that big expensive education in the future!

Crazy 8- Great Kids' Site!

Yesterday I found another great kids' site for clothing!  I can't believe I had never heard of it before... Crazy 8.  I stumbled across a 20% off coupon in a Parenting magazine and checked it out.  It is a sister site to Gymboree, but has slightly better prices.  Right now they are having a great spring sale- I got some cute surfboard t shirts for the boys.

Shark-wear! Cute Shark Apparel for Little Boys

Sharks are all around this spring!  My little guys love them.  Here are some of the cute shark styles I have found:

Gap.com- Shark Swim Trucks












Gap.com- Colorful Shark T 













LL Bean- Shark Swim Trunks 













LL Bean- Shark Backpack 












Mini Boden- Shark Sweatshirt 














Mini Boden- Shark T















Gymboree- Shark Fin Baseball Hat 









Gymboree- Shark Plaid Patchwork Shorts 












Gymboree- Shark Friends T 










Gymboree- Hammerhead Shark Swim Trunks











Gymboree- Shark Boxer Briefs

Mini Ray Bans!

Did you know that Ray Ban sells adorable "little kid" sizes of their sunwear?  Check out the photo of my boys wearing their aviators on Easter!  Use the Ray Ban Store locator to find a location near you!!

Do You Have to Feel Guilty? Parenting With Love and Logic

Do You Have to Feel Guilty? Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts   Dear Parent,   Do you think the following parents ought to feel guilty for their actions?   Parent A:   I said to my teenage daughter, "I wash clothes that are placed in the hamper." They've been lying in a heap in her room…so she doesn't have anything else to wear except her least favorite outfits.   Parent B:   My son was getting more irritable and defiant every day. It seemed related to how much time he was spending playing his video games. I took the video games and told him that I loved him too much to see him getting so addicted to them.   Parent C:   My ten-year-old asked for a cell phone. I let her know that she could have one when she could afford the entire cost…including the data plan.   Parent D:   Our 23-year-old son was sitting around all day watching television. We told him that we were fine with him living with us for a while if he was doing his best to finish school or get a job. He continued to be so disrespectful and lazy that we asked him to leave.   What do you think? Should these parents feel guilty for what they've done? Do you have to feel guilty when you set and enforce reasonable limits with your kids?   Of course not!   The goal is to set these limits in ways that allow us to go to bed each night knowing the following:   I did it out of love. I did it with as much empathy as I could muster. I did it because I care more about my child’s long-term wellbeing than my own short-term emotions.   Regardless of how they might react, you never have to feel guilty about giving your kids the gift of loving limits. For more tips on setting these limits, listen to our audio: Love Me Enough to Set Some Limits.   Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.   Dr. Charles Fay

Developmental Exercises and Activities You Can Do At Home

The following is a list of developmental exercises you can do with your young child at home, helping improve their hand-eye coordination, motor development, bilateral movement, visual tracking, and size/shape/ spatial concepts:

-  wheelbarrow game (hold your child's legs and have them walk on their hands)
- puzzles
- wooden beads for stringing
- sorting shapes, colors, etc (put three cups in a row in front of your child an dhave them put buttons into one, pegs into the second, and balls into the third, or any variation thereof)
- bike and tricycle riding
- throw a balloon into the air and have them try to keep it from touching the ground
-  finger paints
- playdough
- living room bowling (roll a soft ball to knock down milk cartons or something similar)
- place a magnet on a string and hang it fromt he end of a stick-  have them fish for metal objects
- set the table
- hop on one foot
- blow bubbles
- try to pop bubbles with a chopstick
- hide and seek
- build a pattern with blocks- see if your child can complete the pattern
- cutting with safety scissors
- simple mazes
- ask, "What if you were....?  What do you think you would see?  Do?  Feel?"
-  have them pick up small objects with tweezers
- the Operation game
- match pictures to a past holiday or vacation
- legos and all building blocks
- practice jumping jacks
- practice marching, tapping one hand over the opposite knee while doing it
- memory games